How to Beat Holiday Stress

Depression and Anxiety

This is the time of year that there is a lot of focus on the holidays and holiday celebrations. People often feel that they are “supposed” to feel happy and joyful, but instead they feel lonely, anxious, overwhelmed and depressed.

MANY people speak with me about having these feelings and concerns. I also hear from people that they are feeling more depressed and down during this time of the year not only because of the holidays but because of the shorter day as well. Having less light adversely affects many people, some of whom suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Some people are nervous in social situations which compounds anxiety and depression. Are you suffering from anxiety or depression?

Parenting Concerns

Some parents worry that their children may have a “meltdown” or be uncooperative. They worry whether they will be able to handle this effectively and be able to support and love them if they act like this? And if any of this happens some ask, “How does this reflect on me as a parent”? As people generally struggle with feelings of unworthiness and of feeling like a failure, these will likely be reinforced if their children have some challenges.

Fear of Judgment

Additionally, people are afraid that their family will judge them and say, or imply, that they are a bad parent. Are you a parent that has these fears? Or, even more pointedly, might you be a parent who possibly harshly judges your child? Others are afraid that they will be judged about how they look and how their home looks and about whether the meal they spent hours preparing will be enjoyed.

Family Dysfunctions

Others worry that there will be fighting and arguing at a gathering. For some this remains verbal, for
others, it becomes physical. Whichever it is, it is scary and disappointing. Yet others worry that a family member will get drunk and/or high and then act in an embarrassing and/or hurtful way. Others worry that the people they are relating to will be self-centered or narcissistic, and take interest only in themselves. They want to have an intimate connection yet the other person appears incapable of this.

Compulsions and Addictions

Others worry that they might be inclined to overeat and/or engage in emotional eating. People who are in recovery worry that they might relapse by resuming drinking and/or drugging.

Financial Worries

Financial concerns and gift giving are additional big worries. Of course this has been exacerbated by the
state of the economy and by people some people losing their job. People think, “How much money should I spend on holiday gifts? Who should I get gifts for? Will they like my gifts?” They worry what people might think of them if they give less than usual.

Loneliness and Grief

Others feel great pain because they are not in a relationship and might not have family or friends close by and therefore feel deeply alone and lonely. On the flip side are people who have been in long term relationships which have recently ended. Anger, grief, sadness, uncertainty and guilt are common feelings in these situations. Some people feel pain because a loved one died during this time of the year and the anniversary of their death is marked.

Others Share Your Pain

People’s pain is often compounded by feeling like they are the only one with the concerns that they have. It is extremely important to know that others share your concerns, have similar anxieties and that your worries are likely very typical. Know that when you look into the eyes of a stranger that they are experiencing what you are experiencing in one form or another.

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Practical Tips and Actions

• Contemplate what the holidays mean to you. Do things that are congruent with your wants, needs and values and do them with the people with whom you want to spend time with.

• Know that you can’t control other people’s behaviors. You can only control your own and how you respond to what others do and say.

• Think about how you’d like to respond to situations that concern you. Think about your customary response and the effect that it has had. If you want a different outcome you will need to do something differently. There is a saying that the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same things and expecting different results.

• Keep the focus on yourself and take responsibility for yourself.

• Be mindful of what you want and need. Balance these with giving to others.

• Take your own vehicle if you are concerned that things might become too uncomfortable or unmanageable at your destination. Or, if you are not driving, know what the public transportation schedule is. Or, perhaps have an arrangement with a friend who can pick you up if need be.

• Attend Alanon for Naranon meetings if your loved one has a drinking or drug problem.

• Attend Alcoholics and/or Narcotics Anonymous if you struggle with alcohol or drug use.

• Utilize your support system.

• Be moderate. Allow yourself to have a good time without overindulging and without being too strict.

• Be realistic. Spend the amount of money that is affordable. If you use a credit card charge only the amount of money that you know that you can pay when the bill becomes due. If you can’t give the amount of material gifts that you usually give consider speaking with your friends and family about this.

• Let go of something. This could be a task or an emotional tendency.

• Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal

• Take deep breaths through the day.

• Compile a gratitude list, written or mentally.

• Be in nature or visualize being in it.

• Read something uplifting.

• Exercise walk, stretch or dance.

• Identify your feelings and allow yourself to feel them.

• Have fun