6 questions to ask a potential therapist

Finding the right therapist can seem overwhelming, but by asking six simple questions, you can decrease your stress and raise the likelihood of quickly locating someone who meets your needs. In my 24 years of experience, I have observed many people struggling with how to interview potential therapists. They may be afraid to ask questions, not know what to ask, procrastinate, and not reach out because it is so confusing and overwhelming.

Because a therapist generally will provide a few free minutes to determine if you would work well together, he or she already has a list of questions for you. Prepare by having your own questions as well. Remember this is a collaboration, and both parties must be compatible. These questions can be asked in any order:

1. How do you facilitate sessions?... READ MORE HERE

BY JEFF SCHNEIDER • NOVEMBER 1, 2009

Poughkeepsie Journal

Visualizations, gratitude help fight anxiety

This is an article I wrote for the Poughkeepsie Journal on anxiety. I hope you find it helpful.

Question: I am generally rather anxious and nervous. With the economy the way it is, I have been more anxious than usual. How can I can lower my anxiety?

Answer: It is understandable your anxiety is higher than usual given the state of the economy and the world in general.

Self-employed people tell me their business is down. Some talk about the pain of needing to lay off loyal and hardworking employees. Consultants tell me they are afraid their contracts will not be renewed. People unemployed after years of steady work talk about the challenges of finding comparable positions, considering new careers and struggling with the question of what they'd like to do. READ MORE HERE...

For more information on my practice - Healing Wellness Counseling, visit my website, call me at 845-255-4175 or email me at jeff@healing-wellness-counseling.com

How to Effectively Handle Stress and Depression

When people feel an uncomfortable level of stress and/or feel depressed, they often feel tired, lonely and hopeless. Sometimes they may even feel worthless. This often results in their isolating themselves from those they care about and those who most care about them. This actually perpetuates the pain, loneliness and despair. This is what makes staying connected extremely important. Maintaining contact with others by phone, email, notes, face to face contact, text messaging etc. will lessen the pain while isolation deepens depression and stress.

Seeking professional help can also be invaluable. There are times when stress and depression can manifest in very unhealthy behaviors, including drug and alcohol abuse, overeating, not eating, insomnia, staying in bed all day, gambling, violence, self-mutilation. At this time professional help is needed and can prove to be invaluable.

At the furthest end of the spectrum regarding stress and depression is when a person has suicidal thoughts and/or intentions. At this point it is highly recommended that a person call 911, a local hospital or a local mental health clinic, some of which have mobile mental health units to visit with extended hours.

Something very simple to try when feeling stress depression is to smile. Studies show that this simple act can contribute to altering your mood.

In today’s very busy world of emails, faxes, instant messaging, multi-tasking and constant striving, it is easy to feel high levels of stress and depression. It therefore becomes very important to set priorities. Identify what needs to be done in the order it needs to be done. Make tasks manageable by doing one thing at a time and by scheduling tasks at specific times. Create a structure in which you can be focused and productive.

One thing that I have regularly seen as a clinician is the tendency to “beat ourselves up” for what we don’t do and for what we don’t get done. This too contributes to depression and anxiety. It is very important to watch for this tendency and catch it when it arises. A way to modify it is to be kind and loving to yourself and to acknowledge yourself. Congratulate yourself after you complete tasks and appreciate your efforts. Keeping a list of your efforts and tasks completed is helpful too. You may even wish to give yourself a healthy treat after you put forth effort and complete a task.

Another way to handle stress and depression effectively is to exercise. Movement and aerobics stimulate endorphins which makes us feel good. This also leads to greater energy to attend to the tasks that need to be done. Now we are able to work more effectively.

Also, you can handle stress and depression effectively through laughter. Watch funny movies or sitcoms. Laughter decreases stress hormones and activates cells that boost the immune system.

It also feels great!

Keeping a journal can also be therapeutic. Writing about your thoughts and feelings can often be a way to release painful emotions. You can start by writing “I feel…, I am…., I wish…, I want…, I hope…, I see… Write in a free flowing thought process without concern for grammar, how it sounds, etc.

Often people have a habit of focusing on what things are not working rather than on what are. As such, it is useful to change your focus and focus on what is working rather than on what is not working. Focus on the healthy instead of the unhealthy and the positive rather than the negative.

A powerful and profound way to manage stress and depression effectively is to write a gratitude list. Identify and list what you are grateful for. This can be done daily or once in awhile. List the little things too as well as those you may take for granted (like having hot water and modern plumbing).

At the end of the day thank yourself for your efforts and the things that you have done during the day, even those that are mundane and ordinary.

Meditation is yet another way to manage stress and depression. It calms the mind/body, lowers blood pressure, and energizes you. People will often tell me “I can’t meditate. When I try I can’t get rid of my thoughts”. Or, “when I meditate I think of a million things”. Please know that it is the nature of the mind to move and think. We can’t get rid of our thoughts. Simply bring your attention back to what you are focusing on. (Well, this could be another article in itself).

Changing our posture can change your state too. Walk with a bounce, sit straight rather than slouched, keep your head up.

A very simply way to manage stress and depression is to breathe deeply and to take deep breaths throughout the day.

Being in nature is yet another way to help us feel calm and relaxed. When you can’t be in it, think of it. Seeing or visualizing the sky will calm the mind, seeing or visualizing water will calm the emotions and seeing or visualizing the mountains will increase grounding and stability.

A very profound way to overcome emotional challenges is to learn the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)®. It is an easy approach to learn and can be done anywhere. Visit www.emofree.com to read about it.

Depression and stress can often be related to repressing anger, sadness, fear and loneliness. It is therefore important to express your thoughts and feelings. This can be done verbally and/or by writing in a journal (see above).

There are all different degrees and depths of depression. Some can be handled on our own while others are deeper and debilitating. When depression reaches this point it is essential to seek professional help. Depression is a treatable condition. Professional help can also help you to learn healthy coping skills which will help you to lower your stress and overcome depression.

This Workshop Just Might Change Your Life!

Recently I have had the privilege of facilitating several introductory Emotional Freedom Technique™ (EFT) workshops along with an in-depth three-week EFT Group. You might have been one of the people to attend these. The Emotional Freedom Technique™ (EFT) stimulates the body's energy system, allowing painful emotions to be released. This very simple tapping technique has been called "acupuncture without needles." In these workshops folks experienced the profound power of EFT and realized how easy it is to learn and use. They experienced relief from physical and emotional pain. Using EFT in my practice with my clients has helped them to release grief, handle anger more effectively, address and heal from childhood traumas (without re-living them), diminish depression (including suicidal thoughts) and curb emotional eating, to name a few things.

As a follow-up to these workshops and the work that I am doing in my practice I will be facilitating two more workshops where you will be able to:

• Gain freedom from even the most intense emotional issues.
• Reduce stress and anxiety in just minutes.
• Gain control over emotional eating, smoking and other addictions.
• Increase confidence and enhance personal peace and well-being.
• Overcome phobias

Please take a moment to consider how your relationships, finances, career and health would be different if you experienced these benefits. Call me at 845-255-4175 to register for the workshops. Please send payment to 1585 Old Ford Rd. New Paltz, NY 12561

"Recently I engaged Jeff to experience the Emotional Freedom Technique. Jeff was completely supportive in shifting my energy and outlook! Complete, amazing, total, and immediate transformation occurred following our session. I went from being stuck and nearly paralyzed with fear to seeing possibilities, breaking out of the fear, re-shifting my "energy" and focus and taking action. I have stepped into my power and am incredibly grateful to Jeff for his expertise and talent."

Janet Wise
Founder/CEO WISE Solutions
CALL AND REGISTER NOW
845-255-4175
Attend (one or both)
**Please send Payments to: 1585 Old Ford Rd, New Paltz, NY 12561**

Introductory Workshop
Wed. May 12, 2010 | 7:15 - 8:30 PM
$10.00 Pre-Paid by May 12th, $15.00 At the door

Follow Up, In-Depth Workshop
Sat. May 15, 2010 | 10 AM-1 PM
$90.00 Pre-Paid by May 12th, $110.00 After May 12th

How to Handle Challenges in a Relationship

Just about everyone I counsel speaks to me about dissatisfaction in their relationships that ranges from mild to extreme. They also talk about the challenges that exist in their relationships. They highlight communication difficulties, intimacy issues, boredom, lack of passion, mistrust, infidelity, constant arguing, misunderstandings, an inability to resolve conflicts, emotional abuse and violence. One partner wants to have more emotional intimacy, generally women, while another partner wants to have more sexual intimacy, generally men. People most often bring histories of failed relationships and histories of neglect, abuse and trauma into the relationship, which makes having a healthy relationship so very difficult.

It is extremely challenging to discern what is happening between people in the present and what is really one’s unresolved issues and history getting “acted out”. This all contributes to the challenges cited above and to high divorce rates. If issues are not resolved in one relationship they will be brought into the next relationship and repeated. Other times people stay together much longer than is fulfilling or healthy (especially when there is abuse and violence), spending decades in unhealthy situations.

Although relationships are very challenging, there are several things that can be done to improve them and to make them harmonious and fulfilling. Something that I think is essential, and frankly often overlooked is a cultivation of self awareness so that you can identify your habitual mental and emotional patterns and reactions. Also, so that you know what your internal conflicts and “issues” are. This will help you to know how your “buttons” get pushed and the types of habitual reactions that you have.

Too often people are focused on what the other person in their relationship is doing or how they are behaving without focusing on themselves. This results in a great deal of blame and is also a way to avoid taking responsibility. Knowing yourself and your patterns will be invaluable so that you don’t “project” or blame your challenges and reactions onto others. Instead of wanting others to change, see what you can change in your life. Accept responsibility for your actions and the impact that they have.

Another way to be self aware is to look for themes in your relationship(s) and determine whether they existed in other relationships. If you reflect on this you will likely see that you are repeating behaviors. Similar inner challenges that you have elsewhere and that you had in previous relationships are resurfacing.

Most people I speak with complain that they "don’t communicate well” and say that they "need to improve their communication”. In my practice I believe that if I can assist people with this that they’ll be able to discuss anything. Because of this I will often focus more on how people are communicating rather than on what they are communicating about. It is very important to listen closely to what is being said and reflect back what you heard. Pay attention to what is being said rather than preparing a defense or rebuttal. Be patient when listening. Allow the other person to finish what they are saying without interrupting them. Accept constructive criticism. Ask yourself if what is being said to you is true and, if so, see it as an opportunity to make healthy changes. Focus on yourself. Often people focus on others and want others to change. See what you can change. Accept responsibility for your actions and the impact that they have.

Another very important way to improve communication is to use “I” statements. Say “I feel _________ when you do __________” or “when you do _______ I feel _________”. Often people will begin a discussion with a “you” statement that often is blaming. This results in the listener becoming defensive and responding in a defensive and aggressive manner. I cannot stress how important this is. When I do workshops on relationships this is a major component of the discussion.

Being realistic of what you can hope for and expect from yourself and others is another way to improve relationships. Don’t expect others to meet all of your needs, to fill your “holes” or emptiness or to take your pain away. This only leads to disappointment. Sometimes people think that a relationship will make them happy when they are inherently unhappy. One cannot be happy in a relationship or happy with their partner if they are unhappy with or within themselves.

There will be value if you show appreciation for the person you are relating to verbally and/or with a hug, a short note or with something you know the other person will enjoy. Show appreciation for yourself also. Acknowledge the many things that you do through the day and appreciate yourself for your efforts.

Of significant importance in a relationship is to negotiate and compromise. Things cannot always go the way that we want them to. Putting aside our needs, at times, is healthy. If pressure is put on the other person, either subtly or overtly, to do what you want them to do resentment and anger will ensue. At the same time it is important for me to note that compromise does not imply that you regularly put aside your needs for the other person. This could be a form of “caretaking” which could also lead to anger and resentment.

It is also important to share psychic and physical space. Be mindful and respectful of the boundaries of others. This would include how much you wish to talk with the person you are involved with. I hear about, and witness when I am facilitating sessions, people who talk nonstop. They appear oblivious to this and to the effect it has on the person they speaking with, or, perhaps more accurately, at. People tell me that they often feel angry and/or overwhelmed or suffocated when this happens. I observe that they are looking around the room, tapping their foot, moving restlessly in their seat, etc. Here are some things to pay attention to in these situations:

• Watch the reactions of the person you are speaking with to gauge their attentiveness and whether they are listening to you.
• Timing of communication is also important. There is value in checking with the other person to see if now is a good time to talk, especially if it is something emotional.
• Sharing of physical space is also very important. Be mindful of leaving things lying around, the cleanliness of the space you share etc.

Often people focus on weaknesses and on what is not working. As such, it is will prove useful to focus on the strengths of your partner and the relationship (as well as yourself) rather than the weaknesses.

In today’s world people are often very busy and sometimes overwhelmed. It is common to lose touch with one’s partner. Setting aside time to talk and share regularly is a way to counteract this. When you do talk, learning about the interests and needs of your friend or partner and asking about these is another way to enhance relationships.

In sum, know that relationships are indeed very challenging. You are not alone. Understand that relationships change and evolve over time, that they have “ups and downs” and that they require time and attention. Know that if you incorporate the above suggestion that you will certainly improve your relationships. And know that in order to have a healthy relationship with someone else that you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself.